I read my post again on this topic and realised that I wrote this post in April 2014 and now is December 2014. It is been 8 months and honestly I don’t see much difference in my size. And due to the lack of progress, I have been feeling down and I can sense the devil is hovering his depressive clouds over me. Today, I have been greatly blessed and encouraged by my Pastor’s message – Radiant Face. Now I can sense the dark clouds are dispersing and my face is becoming radiant from looking vertically upward to my beautiful Lord Jesus!! The more I am with my beautiful Jesus, the more I will reflect his beauty. Honestly, the dark clouds covered my face and I was feeling so down I did not attend Cell Meeting in the last week of November and they were going to celebrate my birthday. I wanted to seclude myself. And honestly, I missed church for 4 weeks. And I thank God today I went to church and received his blessings. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. He did not come to condemn but to save.
I am beginning to understand my Lord’s discipline on me. Now instead of being angry with him for not making me slim, I am thankful that I am still the same old person. Why? I realised that if trying to slim down is poisoning me with negativity, I’d rather be plump and happy because the latter can make me live longer. I want to have a healthy BMI and I am trying to scale down to from being dangerously obese to overweight (only 1 to 2 kg down), but in the process, I constantly feel down and out and self condemn, instead of leading to long life it is counter-productive to my well being. No matter fat or slim, I prefer to have the peace and joy of the Lord. You can be slim and good looking but are you really happy? He is the only one who can give me long and healthy life. He is my healing. I want to have a radiant face from the Lord and be his witness. Radiance that comes from being close to him. Radiance that comes from having a peace that surpasses all understanding. Radiance that comes from having the joy of the Lord. All this that comes from being sure of His love for me and being sure that I am saved forever and is forever righteous in Christ. Being radiant is different from being good looking. You can be good looking and slim but do you have the radiance from God? You can be plain but if you possess theo radiance from God, you are beautiful because He makes you beautiful. He makes us lovable by loving us and supplying exceedingly beyond our expectations what we need.
I wanted to slim down because I think I would look nicer when I am in my late fourties to fifties. I really don’t want to look like an “aunty”. I want to look elegant and well maintained. He makes me unique just like everyone’s fingerprints are unique. I prefer to have a radiant face from him now. It is better to be mature, plump, radiant and happy than old, skinny, depressed and grumpy. Being on the weight loss journey really makes me grumpy and unhappy. I will continue eating healthily and exercising but stop worrying about the number on the scale.
I was so filled with jealousy towards others who are slimmer, richer and smarter. I can’t explain why I have become like this. It crept stealthily into me. Scary.
I want to be thankful and grateful to Jesus instead of being angry and bitter towards him. I thank him I am forgiven completely, past, present, future, forever, as far as the east is from the west so far has he removed my transgressions. Peace with him and myself. I thank him for being my Abba. He is my provider and woah He is rich man!! And I am also really thankful to him for blessing me with a wonderful hubby.
Today, I present my 3 requests to my Abba.
I want to be healthy, no sickness, no surgery of any form. Having the ability to enjoy life by being able to do daily tasks and meaning, able to walk up and down stairs, being agile. Able to enjoy high impact exercises such as Zumba, Bokwa and jogging. Having stamina. I pray for my hubby, my mum and brother likewise they have good health and will not suffer any sickness of any kind.
I want to have peace, joy and a radiant face and to be a witness for Christ. I know he is working in my life.
Regular income for my hubby, myself, my mum and brother.
Progress may not be in sight, my stamina has improved greatly through regular exercises. I am now training my 5 km. Now I complete my 5 km in about 47 mins. I hope to improve this timing. The thing that I really hope for is that I can be agile even in old age. I recently injured my knees and have difficulty climbing up and down stairs. Lord, I know you have heard my cry, you will heal me as you had aredy done so at the cross.
I don’t know why I did not ask for a slim body. Hahaha…….
Actually. I have 4 requests.
Lastly, I don’t have a regular quiet time with Jesus. Mine is random. The reason is because I really don’t like to read the Bible. I try to see Jesus in the verses. Somehow, it is dry. Having said that, I did not read the Bible for more than 10 years. Every time I read the Bible, I read I must do this and that or must not do this, must do that – law and judgement, until in 2013, thru’ my Pastor’s teachings because he draws me to beautiful Jesus thru’ his message, I started to read the Bible but stopped at Leviticus. HAHAHA…. Then I went to the New Testament. I did finish the New Testament. But….hmmm not much revelation. I pray Jesus will draw me closer to him. I pray more often than I read the Bible. I know I need God’s word. Lord, help me. Amen!!